"It's the Final Count Down"....to back to school.

If you can believe it, we are now less then 2 weeks away from the start of a new school year. This is the time that things really changed for Chelsea (no matter what grade she was going into) the lack of sleep ~ lack of appetite, tummy aches and the mood swings all combined together make a very unhappy environment for both her and us as a family.

It’s very hard to live with this as parents constantly, but how do you think your child feels with these emotional feelings every day. Make sure you listen to your child's concerns and validate them (which I know can be challenging at times) Validation - Active Listening. To you they are not huge concerns but for any child with anxiety its all they can focus on and think about. Chelsea has a real problem being able to develop a coping plan so I would help "coach" her on how to problem solve with both real and imagined situation. Going back even last year (Grade 12) to referring to the 1-5 Scale is helpful. The 5 Point Scale Remember, your child is ALWAYS going to focus on WORSE CASE SCENARIOS. It's also important to let your child know and understand that their nervousness and apprehension are all part of a typical back to school feeling. Now as much as we would explain this to Chelsea, she would yell back saying

" I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND CAN'T RETURN TO SCHOOL"

As much as we would have LOVED to say to Chelsea, she didn't have to return to school. Both Simon and I were 100% united on getting her to the finish line and to Graduate. So we had to stand our ground and enforce this and take on the battle full force to accomplish it. If we had given in, and let her stay at home we were creating another issue of it being ok to give up. It would have been harder, in the long run, to get Chelsea to finish school if she did not do it with her friends at the same time. (Every child is different, and this is our daughter we are currently talking about, but YOU know your child and what worked for us may not work for you, and that is ok.)

We can do our best to try and help our children prepare for back to school, but as parents, you have to be two and sometimes many more steps ahead of your child so here are some hopefully helpful things to help you.

~     Look at the school day ~ what teachers does your child have? If they are nervous about a new teacher, don't ask them about that instead ask them if they know what they will be learning in English? Remind them of how well they did the previous school year focus on the Positives, so they don't dwell on the negatives. Changing a Negative into a Positive                                                      

~     For me one very important thing I always did was to send an email to each teacher introducing them to Chelsea and explaining to them about her, that she has an IEP (Individual Education Plan) and a school designation - NEVER EVER think your teacher will be informed about this ~ as we found out to our demise one year. By explaining to each teacher what to expect from her on a daily basis, will help them understand how to manage her within the class. Which was a big help for both the teacher and for Chelsea to feel comfortable with attending. Even if they are returning to a teacher they previously had, I just reminded them about the fact she may need some space from others, NOT to ask her a direct question or to do an oral presentation within the class as that will end up in her completely anxious.

When Chelsea went to High School, so many people talked about how different the environment was for parents as it was no longer like Elementary school in regards to the contact with the teachers. For us, that didn’t phase me, and I found that most teachers were very receptive to my emails some not so, but then I would go in and meet them, and I think that they wished they had replied to the email in the first place…..You HAVE to be your child’s advocate no matter what age they are during school years if you want it to be somewhat smooth sailing for them and you.

~    Start to get into the morning routine. Over the holiday's everyone gets up later and often the mornings are lazy. So by beginning to get your child up closer to a school day time will help when the first day arrives. It's NOT the solution to a non-anxiety morning ~ "Sorry" just one less thing to have to get into a routine for. Helpful Back to School hints for the younger child.

Like I said before, this is the time that behaviour and emotions with your child can seriously change as the reality of back to school sinks in. So be understanding as becoming frustrated is not going to solve anything for anyone.  “When you are dealing with a child who has anxiety, remember your actually dealing with their brain that will fight to keep them safe.”

Remember this is not your child saying, “I WON’T go to school; it’s saying, “I CAN’T go to school- two completely different scenarios. This anxiety fear is triggered by the body’s response to danger, whether it’s real or not. So remember in your child’s head this is REAL it’s the mind triggering these emotions. Chelsea would often comment that she knew it was silly as she knew there was nothing to worry about that she had done it before, but these emotions are being driven by the brain that thinks there is a threat and then starts to go into protection mode regardless if the threat of danger is REAL or NOT.

During this back to school period, it is important as parents to be two steps ahead and plan for a smooth transition. We all hope it will be easy and all you can do is your best to set everything up for success but don't be hard on yourself if it is not as easy a transition as you would like. Some days your child will seem that they are ok with the return and you will relax that little bit but be hit with the emotions the following day.

It's going to be a roller coaster of emotions so be strong and supportive.

MENTAL HEALTH