Turning a NEGATIVE into a POSITIVE

On Saturday while driving Chelsea to where she volunteers I was surprised when she all of a sudden started to cry and told me that she could not go because her head was so bad, my first instinct was to pull over and give her a hug. Although a hug at the time was not appreciated we did talk, she could not exactly explain what the cause was but just that her head is telling her so many negative things: she hates her life, she is not good enough, nothing good is happening and that she has no friends. All heartbreaking to hear.

Breaking down a statement and turning into positives helps

These emotional outburst while at school were a daily and sometimes hourly occurrence, but its Summer holidays she has graduated and should be relaxed and enjoying her time. We have to remember that she has a Mental Illness, and all those things sound easy to the majority of us, but just general everyday life can be too Anxious for her, and all she sees is NEGATIVITY.

Breaking down her statements and turning them into positives is something she often needs help with, as she is unable to look on the bright side.

~ “I Hate my life” – Really do you all the time? You have so much to look forward to in the coming weeks, listing them helps her to see past the NOW and into the future.

~“Im not good enough” – FOR WHO? We love you the way you are, you are great with the animals that you work with on the Rescue Farm (her volunteer job) everyone there loves working with you.

~ “Nothing good is happening, I have no friends” – A lot of her friends are either working summer jobs or are away on holidays, so reminding her why they are not around (even though she already knows this but forgets it when the going is tough) helps. Unfortunately, she does not have a lot of friends as she has pushed so many people away over the last few years. The few that she does have in her life are amazing and understand HER!

When talking to her, we will always remind her of how EXTREMELY PROUD we are, even of the smallest accomplishments for her can be a big thing and praising her for those achievements helps to boost her Self-Esteem and Confidence.

Positive SELF TALK is something we have learned over time to implement during these times, as Chelsea really is the only person who on a regular basis thinks badly of herself in any given situation.

What exactly is Positive Self Talk?

~ Telling yourself HELPFUL, POWERFUL GOOD THOUGHTS such as:

~ I CAN DO IT

~ I CAN try my best

~ I CAN have a Happy Day if I CHOOSE to.

Remembering that you need to STOP having negative thoughts as that leads to negative self-talk. The way you talk can either be positive or negative. The choice is up to you, if you choose negativity it may not bring you any positive in the day.

Practice what you preach

Simon and I often get a little frustrated with the girls, but if we are trying to help them with Positive Self- Talk, we have to do the same. I know that when we are tired, and chores may not have been done by the girls, we often snap at them when asking to complete them. We have to remind one another to take a step back, relax and realize that upon occasion, we both can overact. This will be met with NEGATIVE feedback and comments, which then start the pattern of NEGATIVITY.

With just a few changes, the entire situation can be handled so differently.

“Thank you for clearing off the table, but the dishes won’t get into the dishwasher by themselves”

Chelsea’s bedroom is always a battlefield about to explode and, it is hard not to be negative EVERY time we walk in. So when she is cleaning it up, I have to really focus on the positives, what has been done, praise her for that and certainly not focus on the negatives.

What I want to say in that situation is “Let’s just move house and leave the mess" - rather then – "WOW I can see you have put away ONE pair of shoes!!!!” ARGHhhhhhhhhh so frustrating but by losing my temper and looking at all the negatives in the room, all I’m doing to myself is popping a blood vessel….and that’s not healthy or attractive!!

Like my Dad always told me,

“Start with the POSITIVES before you continue with the NEGATIVES.”

Thank you Daddy xxxx