Validation - Active Listening

One of the most significant issues that Chelsea has is knowing that WE UNDERSTAND.

Validation -Active Listening can make all the difference to someone.

Everyone likes to be validated, but for someone with anxiety like Chelsea when we activity tell her this while she is having an anxiety attack, it really helps. For her knowing that we are not making judgement WE ARE listening to her issues and showing that we are understanding in what she is anxious about. Being able to rephrase her issues in a logical/logically way and breaking it down helps to calm her down and often shows her that really the issues are not as big as she thinks – or have been made into.

Keeping a cool head as a parent (yes I KNOW this can be hard but remember if you attack they will attack back) and talking "calmly" even if you may not feel it as your child is being defensive and possibly argumentative as they are trying to make you understand. You may NOT agree with the issue at hand. However, validating does not mean agreeing or approving; it’s a way of supporting“Do you have a design in mind for your blog? Whether you prefer a trendy postcard look or you’re going for a more editorial style blog - there’s a stunning layout for everyone.”

By being “present” and “non-judgemental”, listening and helping your child separate thoughts from emotions and being able to rephrase can make all the difference. It’s easy just to say “STOP being silly, it's not as bad as you think” but in the moment that does not help and can cause them to be more defensive. So by finding the emotion and validating it, will strengthen their confidence with your help.

A perfect example of what happened to Chelsea a few months ago at school. Whenever she called me during school hours, I knew that I would have to be completely present in order to help her.

You would have thought the world was coming to an end when I answered the call she was making from the bathroom cubical. She was so anxious about something that at first, I had to calm her down as the words that were coming out were so panicked that they did not make sense. By talking to her in a calm voice asking her to take some DEEP breaths Breathing not just for every day life and to focus on my words I was able to let her know that I was willing to help once she calmed down as I understood that whatever was making her so anxious was something hard for her to manage by herself. Validating her emotions was the first step to calming her down enough for me to understand what she was trying to tell me.

“I CAN’T go to my next class as we are presenting a project and I can’t get up in front of everyone and present, my group does not know about my anxiety and how hard this is for me and will think I’m so STUPID.”

Telling her straight off the bat that she is NOT stupid (unfortunately this is the way she often feels as she hates having anxiety and lacks self-confidence Self Esteem and Confidence) and explaining that it's ok to be anxious. I think it sounds more like your disappointed in yourself for not being able to join in and that you don’t want to let your group down, which is very thoughtful of you. Have you explained why you can’t join in, if they understand then I’m sure they will work with you to help you participate in a different way than your more comfortable with?

For the average person, this will sound silly because it's not a huge issue, but for someone with anxiety, it can ruin an entire day or even week as this is all they can focus on and the more they think, the BIGGER the issues are in their head.

By being able to help Chelsea break it down, it was that she was disappointed in herself and didn’t want to let anyone down. So with encouragement, she went to class and communicated her worry to her group “They completely understood” and were more than happy to give her the job of showing the pictures in front of the class as the rest of the group presented……PROBLEM SOLVED and guess what… I got a call later on, and she was so happy and said no one minded……SHOCK HORROR- Funny that!!!!!!