Anxiety doesn't take a Summer Vacation

The other day Chelsea told me that this so far was the BEST AUGUST she has had for many years. I was a little taken aback by this statement, as so far she hasn’t really done much that’s exciting to this point!!

Going back to school supplies

When I asked her why? I was surprised to hear that it was because she didn’t have to worry about returning to school and the way that school made her feel. Such a sad statement to hear, but when I think back over the last few years, it suddenly dawned on me how different this time is compared to the previous few years. It has obviously made an impact on her emotions as well as she was thinking about how she can now enjoy August.

You often forget that for anyone who doesn’t get anxious about school that they are out and about enjoying summer without a care in the world, they don’t worry about how many days are left before they return……well they do because I bet if you ask the average child no one wants summer to be over. But for Chelsea and anyone who is anxious, the closer it gets to the start of the school year, the harder it gets to being able to relax and enjoy all that the summer has to offer. They are consumed with the thought of returning, their head starts to spin with questions about

“Who is going to be in my class, what teachers they will have and the biggest for Chelsea was “Its school, there are so many people and how overwhelming it can be day in and day out AND who am I going to hang out with at lunchtime.”

As I reflect on years gone by as a mum hearing that she was already worrying and becoming anxious about the return to school is heartbreaking DO NOT become anxious yourself…try and stay positive, if they see your upset and anxious too about their situation….well its not a good combination!!

So how did we help to make it easier for her during August?

It’s essential to let your child understand that it's ok to be anxious about the start of a new school year that they are not the only ones feeling this way it's NORMAL. Even the teachers get anxious!!!! Make sure you try and address some of their feelings in a way that makes your child feel validated – Validation – Active Listening

Practice Breathing, if your child can learn how to self calm themselves by taking those deep breaths now when they become anxious at school you hope they naturally will do it themselves. Breathing....not just for everyday life.

When school is ever discussed make sure, you remind your child of all the positives from the previous year. An anxious child will often focus on all the hard days, not the ones that were fun and fabulous, so by reminding them of those times often you are creating more positive thoughts then the negative ones. Turning a NEGATIVE into a POSITIVE

School supplies are inevitable, and what used to be a fun thing to do together was no longer, For Chelsea, it now meant that it was just one more step closer to the day. So in July or even the very beginning of August off we would go. I would like to say it was because I was organized…."wrong” we would do this task well before school returned so that it was not overwhelming for Chelsea with lots of other shoppers and excited children.

( #backtoschool #schoolshopping)

Trying to get Chelsea to share her feeling is always hard, but being able to read the signs of those feelings as a parent are so important. Chelsea’s behaviour became different, she would become a lot more tearful, and the simplest thing would set her off into a downward spiral of emotions. Trying to get her to join in with summer activities were often hard because she wanted to hibernate in her room, and she would often say that she didn’t want to go to sleep because if she did it just meant that when she woke up, it was just one more day closer to the start of school.

The transition back to school after any holiday is hard. I feel that consistency is essential to helping your child get back into the routine after the holidays, ESPECIALLY the earlier mornings.

One of the best things I did when the girls were both younger is arranged for swimming lessons to be close to the end of the holidays and to have them start around 9am….there is a method in my madness as this is a great way to start getting back into the routine of getting up early and out of the house in time!!! If you have a child, who has anxiety, you already know that the mornings are hard enough without having the battle of getting back into a routine of getting up earlier then summer hours.

It’s hard when you have other children within the household. Baillie (our eldest daughter) enjoyed school and would work extremely hard to accomplish her goals each year and had her eye on the prize of going to University. So not spoiling this for her was hard as she would want to chat about returning to school, her subjects and the teachers, the opposite to Chelsea. So yes we talked about school, and if Chelsea was in the room we didn’t shy away from the conversations instead would ask Baillie her advice on the subjects or the teachers as often she had the same ones as Chelsea. Often Chelsea would seem to ignore what was being said, but later on, after she processed it, she would bring it up in a positive way. Unfortunately, I think that Chelsea often thought Baillie had it easy, her grades were always excellent, and she had a good group of friend at school. What she didn’t see was how hard Baillie worked every day to get those grades, it didn’t come easy for her. She had to work extremely hard, and yes, like all teenagers, there were issues every now and again. This in turn created some issues between the girls (I will write a blog post about that another time!)

The most important thing to remember is to be understanding and patient. This can be a hard time for everyone, and all you can do is your best.