Stop judging

I don’t know about you, but I have to say I’m a little tired of hearing that this is just a phase with Chelsea and it will pass. Other parents thinking that we are bad parents and need to be better at disciplining her. The teachers who are not necessarily accommodating when you’re trying to explain about her anxiety and needs within the classroom. (I’m only trying to help everyone to make it easier all round) It's hard enough being the parent with a child who has anxiety and having to deal with it, please don’t constantly judge us.

Stop judging

In the beginning, I was a little shell shocked with the way Chelsea would “ERUPT,” to others, it looks similar to a tantrum, the older she became the outburst became more vocal (swearing) and explosive. I had to remind myself that she wasn't like this because she couldn’t get her own way these outbursts were because she was having issues with her emotions and not being able to deal with them ~ this was ANXIETY ~ she had no control over it. (#MENTALILLNESS)

“I wish people would understand that Anxiety towards school or separation anxiety ~ Basically ANY KIND of anxiety has absolutely NOTHING to do with behaviour, defiance or bad parenting.”

As parents, we had to be strong, we had to be there for Chelsea as this was extremely scary for her, and us. So instead of shying away and being embarrassed by her behaviour. I became the very opposite and became EXTREMELY VOCAL, explaining to ONE and ALL, that Chelsea had a Mental Illness and we were learning to understand and deal with it.

What is Anxiety?

We have tried to be disciplinarians with tough love we have tried the softer approach and tried to negotiate. If anyone had suggestions, we might have even tried that. We are loving, kind parents who would do anything for our girls. Our daughters are great children, they really are, but every child is an individual, and we accept that. What works for one child DOES NOT necessarily work for another.

People have to understand that Chelsea doesn’t have any control over her anxiety – yes she is trying to manage it, and we are working hard trying to help her, but it's her brain being on high alert. Sometimes it’s for absolutely no apparent reason that her anxiety builds up.

Those around will see you and your child arguing on a regular basis (it was this way for us pretty much every day at school.) I know the looks we would get and the whispering behind hands ~Yes we saw you. What most didn’t realize is this was Chelsea’s way of surviving and getting through the emotions. She was not arguing as much as she was trying to negotiate and formulate a plan that could get her through the day. I had to listen to her and try and help her make sense of what could work, I also had to say no to some of what she wanted but help her to come up with a solution. A lot of the time she couldn’t explain why she was anxious, but her brain was trying to keep her safe, and hence it was “frightening” No amount of tough parenting, or consequences for her actions was ever going to work. (#ANXIETY)

We spend a lot of time waiting for her to calm down before we can reason with her, trying to do this when she is at the height of her emotions is impossible. Having to wait till she is calmer is the only time that you can actually reason with her and formulate a plan, but during the time that she is at her worst is when the world around her thinks they are seeing a badly behaved child not being able to get their own way. So next time you see someone in this state think twice and don’t judge as you don’t know what others are having to deal with. It’s hard enough for them to be going through these emotions without having to feel as if they are being judged or laughed at by others.

MENTAL ILLNESS