So how do we manage anxiety?

This is an open-ended question as everyone is entirely different, and what works for one person does not necessarily work for someone else. Here are some helpful easy and basic strategies that could help…..or at least those of which have worked for us.

Having a plan in place every day can make all the difference for someone with Anxiety

There is so much on how to handle and cope with Anxiety out there, but you have to find what works for you and remember that it is certainly something that has to be learned and practised every day, there will be some great successful days and some complete disastrous days, and that’s ok. It’s not a switch that can be turned on when needed, you have to understand what it is that triggers your or your child’s Anxiety.

I know that for us we have to be two steps ahead of the day and situation and as much as we try there are so many variables in the day that it's certainly NOT always smooth sailing and the simplest thing can trigger her Anxiety, we can go from calm to panic in a split second.

Having a plan is a huge help, I found that writing it down so its visual for everyone. Trying not to deviate from this plan is helpful, talk to your child through “The Plan”, I often “thought” she knew the plan, and in my head it was all sorted, but then I would find out that Chelsea had another form of a plan in her head and we would end up at square one…so never presume they understand until you have worked and talked together through it. This also works when something goes wrong, and in that moment of panic, they tell you they didn’t know it was going to be this way. You can turn to the plan and show them that yes in actual fact “they did”….this helps to ground Chelsea and when she is anxious she can look at The Plan and know what the next step is. This worked well on school days, when she may have had an appointment after school. Having it written down so that she could SEE the event and the time helped her to manage her day.

For Prom we talked about everything, and I knew it may be too overwhelming for her, so we worked on the days plan together and wrote it all out……this also helps Simon to remember….no offence to him but I had enough to juggle to keep it all happy and calm without him losing the plot too!! Having some breaks and downtime is a must (for both Chelsea and Simon!!!!). Ok so coming home between pictures and before she had to go to school so that she could get out of her dress and just lye down was a little inconvenient……

really in the big picture it was not really and helped Chelsea to get through the day….she knew this is what she would need, and so we made it work. We often think our children can do it all and yes some can but for Chelsea if she has some moments of calm and ease and away from the situation then the day can flow that little bit easier……”You will be happy to hear that her Prom was a huge success, as we followed our own advise!!!!”

“Some days I feel that our entire life is a PLAN and we can’t just live vicariously anymore.”

We as parents/adults often have high expectations of how it is going to go, and we can keep going till the end, BUT for a child who has Anxiety, there are times that you just have to stop and understand that enough is enough. We may not understand the reasoning behind it but believe me, I can see it in Chelsea’s body language. There are times that she does not want to upset anyone because she just can’t go on; however, I know that if we do push, then it will spiral, and no one will enjoy themselves!! Remember its better to have some short GREAT quality time than a whole day where there has been a mix mash of emotions as that is NOT fun for anyone. If all is going well, you can continue with the day's plans but if it is spiralling then be happy with what was accomplished and be grateful for that……and I speak from experience!!!!!!

It is essential that your child listens to their body and knows how to deal with the clues it is giving out and then being able to understand how to manage them. It could be as simple as sweaty palms, a stomach ache or bad thoughts beginning to fill their head. Your child needs to learn how to calm down, to be relaxed and bought back into the “NOW,” this may be as easy as deep breathing in and slowly blowing out. When Chelsea first had Anxiety getting her to blow bubbles was a great way to calm her down without her thinking about it……however taking bubbles out with you at all times… may not be easy and I doubt the teachers at school want you doing that in class…., especially in high school!!!!

Paced Breathing - The goal of this is to reduce the stress chemicals your brain produces and facilitate a relaxation response, you have to actually concentrate and focus on your breathing. This is used in Yoga and meditation. I remember a nurse helping me with this when I was in labour and “boy, oh boy, did it help.”

Take a deep breath in 1-2-3 and hold 1-2-3 and then exhale, as you do you should feel the tension drain from your body 3-2-1….repeat 5-7 times.

This is a simple one to start with however other techniques can be added and practised over time.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation -. Another easy, quick relaxation that can be done at any time is tensing and relaxing each muscle group, again this is working on being aware of yourself. Just like paced breathing talk your child through their muscle groups from head to toe one muscle group at a time, tense for 5 seconds and then let go - relax each muscle. And notice the difference your body feels. By working your muscle groups in order from head to toe, your body will physically relax and help to calm the Anxiety. Here is a link to the order of Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Just like that link both paced breathing and Progressive muscle relaxation together, tense a group of muscles as you breathe in and then relax them as you breath out.

Now don’t wait to do all this when the going gets tough PRACTICE all of this when things are great, the more you practice, the more comfortable and natural it becomes. The trick is to start BEFORE the anxiety spirals, and again, this is something that your child has to be aware of their body and the emotions associated with stress and Anxiety. When practising, I would involve her sister and Simon, as it honestly is something that everyone should know how to do as truthfully we all become anxious and worked up at various times. When Chelsea is beginning to spiral, any of us can remind her to focus on her breathing. There are times that her Anxiety is so bad that it was easier to just sit there and do the breaths loudly and guess what… funny enough Chelsea would copy me and be able to start to calm herself without even realizing!!!!!

Another fantastic Calming Strategy that is easy is to Bring Conscious Awareness to your surroundings, basically, look around and name 5 colours around you or 5 objects, maybe name 5 makes of cars...the list is endless, but it is a great way to bring your child back into the NOW.

Tangle Toys a great way to help with those restless minds and hands

We have had a lot of success with having calming toys around at all times, it can be as simple as a stress ball or a tangle, a twistable sensory and tactile experience for your hands. There are many out there to help keep those restless minds and hands focused on the feeling of a tangle.

Through all of this, we have found different approaches on what to do to help Chelsea with her Anxiety, these are just some easy exercises. What worked when Chelsea was 11yrs is not something that necessarily works now. However, its all building blocks that over the years put together are all helping in the big picture.

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